I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
