dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This baby is an asshole
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
