I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Randomize
