Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
