Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
