if you like me you must not know who I am
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
