'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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