It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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