I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
