your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
