I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
