I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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