I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
