every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Randomize
