i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
