wanna go halves on a baby?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
try to milk me bitch
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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