I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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