Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
