i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
