Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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