What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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