My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
