I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
