I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
