whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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