Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
