I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
