I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
