you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
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Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
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Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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