Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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