The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
