did you get engaged???
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
