You don't have asthma, your pregnant
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
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She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
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You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️