No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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