I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy