just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world