Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...