mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
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I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
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Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.