yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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