Can i not drive my cunt home
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
