so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
