Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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