Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
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I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
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I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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