can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
