Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
