You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
