I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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