OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
