I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
