She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He shit in the fireplace
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
