Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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