How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
