Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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