he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
