Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
