Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize