god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
