Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
