Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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