woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
