also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
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Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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