Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
