This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Apparently you make a good broom.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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