i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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