You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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