Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
