Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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