I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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