Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
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No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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