Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
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Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
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I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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