I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
