pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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