ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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