Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
