good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she pinky promised me she was 18
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
