i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
