im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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