I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
