he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
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Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
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Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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