You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
