I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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