I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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