at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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