Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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