found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My ass is underappreciated
pray to the hookup gods
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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