Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
