have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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