I am spending my child support on dildos
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
