She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
