I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm passing your future prison.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
