Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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