I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
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And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
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A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can