saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
