remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
