I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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