You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me