OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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