She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.