Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I think my moral compass just broke
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
