I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
