P.S. I can't hear my feet
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
