the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize