why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
