Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's official drugs can't kill me
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
