I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
